Feline Physics
- Law of Cat Inertia
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A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon
by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food or a nearby scurrying mouse.
- Law of Cat Motion
- A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really
good reason to change direction.
- Law of Cat Magnetism
- All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct
proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
- Law of Cat Thermodynamics
- Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case
of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
- Law of Cat Stretching
- A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length
of the nap just taken.
- Law of Cat Sleeping
- All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a
position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as
comfortable as possible for the cat.
- Law of Cat Elongation
- A cat can make her body long enough to reach just
about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
- Law of Cat Obstruction
- A cat must lay on the floor in such a position as to
obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
- Law of Cat Acceleration
- A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets
good and ready to stop.
- Law of Dinner Table Attendance
- Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
- Law of Rug Configuration
- No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
- Law of Obedience Resistance
- A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire
for her to do something.
- First Law of Energy Conservation
- Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed
and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
- Second Law of Energy Conservation
- Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
- Law of Refrigerator Observation
- If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will
come along and take out something good to eat.
- Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
- Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed
at the speed of light.
- Law of Random Comfort Seeking
- A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most
comfortable spot in any given room.
- Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
- All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat
within the earliest possible nanosecond.
- Law of Cat Embarrassment
- A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her
embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
- Law of Milk Consumption
- A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just
to show you he can.
- Law of Furniture Replacement
- A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly
proportional to the cost of the furniture.
- Law of Cat Landing
- A cat will always land in the softest place possible;
often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
- Law of Fluid Displacement
- A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume,
minus the amount of milk consumed.
- Law of Cat Disinterest
- A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion
to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
- Law of Pill Rejection
- Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to
reach escape velocity.
- Law of Cat Composition
- A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
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